The Anger Management Therapy that I practice has three general steps, or stages. Each stage is a building block for the next. It is important to work through these stages in order and to resist the temptation to skip ahead to Step 3 (tool and skill building). However, without working through the two prior “foundational” steps, change will not occur, or will be short lived.

Step 1: The Why

The first step in anger management treatment is to find out the cause or causes of why a person has trouble managing their anger. There are many things that impact a person’s ability to manage feelings of anger such as:

• stress,
• transitions,
• loss,
• alcohol or drug abuse,
• depression,
• issues with self esteem or identity,
• relationship conflict,
• health problems
• and lack of social support.

Specifying the cause or causes of one’s anger is important, because it determines the treatment approach taken in steps two, and three.

A question I like to ask new clients is: how long have you had problems with anger? This question can help to understand if the problem is based on a particular stressor(s), or more internally based. There are differences in working with anger due to situational problems vs. anger related to long-term anxiety or depression.

Step 2: The Who

As I like to joke: who has the problem? Not me! “It’s others fault that I get angry!” This step focuses on developing 100% accountability and responsibility for outbursts of anger. There is a healthy sense of remorse when reflecting on times when anger was not managed well. The attitude of someone who has mastered this step is: “it is ok to feel angry, but it is not ok to express anger that causes hurt to someone either physically or emotionally”. Once the causes of anger have been identified it helps free up motivation and feelings of personal empowerment to work on step two. For some people, this step is not only about helping them take responsibility for their anger, but giving them hope that with right practice and skill building set they will be able to successfully manage anger. For some clients, it is important to learn how belief systems  or cognitions lead to anger so that they can learn healthy ways to view self, others, and situations.

Step 3: The How

For me, this is the easiest step of the three. An important skill taught in this step is how to monitor levels of anger, and become aware of all thoughts, body sensations, and feelings that occur from when one is calm to when one is enraged. I usually break this in to ten levels, (1 being calm, to 10 being enraged) or some people like to use 5 colors with red signifying rage. The key with this skill is that one uses the early warning signs, to cool down before one hits a level ten. Using the scale, people learn how to cool down when they hit a level 5 or 6.

Other skills for managing your anger include:

• learning how to communicate anger in positive ways,
• reality testing negative thoughts/ beliefs,
• healthy ways to channel anger,
• and skills to help one cope with feelings of frustration, anxiety, and disappointment that can often underlie feelings of anger.